In a lot of my writing, I bring up the topic of Domestic Violence. I never write about this topic to make light of it, but to make people more aware. Everyday more and more women (and even men) are victims of abuse from their partners. Many of these people keep the horror they experience to themselves, sometimes out of being ashamed and afraid, also because they may not want to press charges against their partner because they could be suffering from what is called "Stockholm Syndrome". The syndrome is where a person can develop a strong bond with their abuser.
It is so easy for someone to judge and say, "Why won't she/he leave him/her." But you never know what you would do if you were living in an abusive situation. There are different levels of abuse; it is not all physical.
Level 1: Verbal Abuse
Verbal Abuse to me is where a person can belittle you by calling you foul names, shouting at you, just simply making you feel intimidated. An abuser can feel a sense of empowerment if they can sense that you are cowering.
Level 2: Psychological Abuse
This level of abuse to me is where the abuser makes you feel less than a person by telling you that you are no good, that you will never amount to anything without them. Take this example for instance, Abuser: "Look at you... you're fat, you're ugly. Don't you know that no one is going to want you but me?” After hearing things like that, the victim begins to think that they really are worthless and that the best they can do is stay with them.
There are many types of psychological abuse. One example is where a partner can sometimes begin to cut you off from friends and family. When an abuser begins to tell you who you can and cannot see that is a sign that things may be taking a turn for the worse. Many times this form of abuse can start from a controlling partner. They will tell you things like, "Your family doesn't like me, I think you shouldn't be around them anymore because they are going to try and split us up."
When things like that are said a woman may feel that her man is right and that her family is just jealous of her relationship and does not want to see her happy. Sadly enough many women listen to those rants and cut all ties with family members and friends. In many cases, the woman is whittled away until the point that she does not even recognize herself anymore. Her every move is watched and she no longer has the freedom to come and go as she pleases.
Many women become prisoners in their own home. Many abusers will also begin to accuse their partner of being unfaithful in the relationship. Most of the time when men take things like that out on women it is because they are guilty of that behavior themselves. This form of abuse also gives the abuser the feeling of being powerful and in control.
Level 3: Physical Abuse
This is the most dangerous of them all because in many cases physical abuse can escalate causing someone to be severely hurt or turn fatal. It is never ok to hit someone or grab someone by the arm. Any type of unwanted force used towards another person is wrong. Alot of times in a relationship an argument can start and a person may be slapped across the face. A slap across the face can sometimes lead to stronger levels of abuse down the road. Be aware that even in an altercation where someone grabs your arm or even pushes you that that is a form of physical abuse.
Many women/man are ashamed to let it be known that their loved one is beating them. Many women wear dark shades to shield their black eyes from public view; scarves, or high-collared shirts to hide bruises on their necks. Many battered and bruised women that you do see in public never really look anyone in the eye, they normally stare at the ground to avoid eye contact with anyone who may suspect they are being mistreated.
It is a very scary life. The reason I am writing this is not just simply because I've watched it on TV or heard about it on the news...no, it is because I have witnessed the abuse of neighbors; of friends, and yes there was a time where I lived through it myself. When you see someone that may look like the world is on his or her shoulders, or you see a man and a woman arguing out in public please consider the fact that that woman/man may be being abused.
Many times people look the other way. People do not want to get involved out of fear or just simply thinking that is has nothing to do with them. Well let us think about this shall we, Let's just say you live in an apartment complex where your neighbors argue everyday. You can hear the woman crying for help as things are clearly being thrown to the ground breaking on impact. You can hear her blood curdling cries as she begs for someone to help her.
Then, you hear nothing. Everything is calm. This goes on almost every other day, until one day you hear it again and the screams and the cries are louder and more frightening than before. You pause, wondering if she is okay. You begin to question yourself, should you call the police. But on the day where you finally decided to call for help you discover that that day, was the day her spouse took her life.
Many couples argue. People that love each other always get into little spats. But you as a person know in your gut when something is not right. If you hear, screaming that makes you afraid or you see a person that appears to be battered and bruised, please don't turn a blind eye. Think about what if that was you, or your loved one. Wouldn't you want someone to save you before it was too late? Wouldn't you want someone to try at least?
I know that many women may side with their abuser and you may think it is a waste of time and that she will never leave him. But at least you will know that you tried. Trying to help is better than just sitting back and doing nothing. Well that is all I am going to write for now in this post. I am definitely going to continue this topic in another post.
Remember I don't just write about stuff like this for my health. I write about things like this hoping and praying that it will make a change.
xoxo
Lil'Tokyo
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