Love Theories: Volume 2 Coming soon :)

   Hi everyone :) I have been away from my blog for quite some time but now I am back to reveal a few interesting details to you. First and foremost, I want to thank those who have purchased and enjoyed my novels. Secondly, I want to thank those who have supported me and kept me motivated.

   My last novel that I published is entitled, "Love Theories: A collection of short erotic tales" In that novel I gave my readers a chance to see what love is really like for various people. Sometimes love may come in the form of self-love (discovering love for ones self) it can also come between people of the same sex. When it comes to this emotion we call love, sometimes the lines are very blurred.

   Take this situation for instance; you have a couple who have been together for a number of years. One person has kept it a secret for a long time that they are interested in bringing in an extra partner. They have kept it a secret because they know that their significant other will not agree to such an arrangement. Now some people will say that if you really love someone you will respect their wishes and never bring in another person to the relationship.

   On the other hand, a person may say that their partner should be open-minded and allow a third wheel to join in with them. Now both people have their reason for wanting what they want. It does not mean they love each other any less, but if they back down for what the other wants and they feel unhappy… Is that truly love?

   Compromising is a big part of a loving relationship. In order for each person to be happy, you have to take a little and give a little. What happens when a person takes more then they give? Well, if that does happen then that is not really love. Love is not being selfish. Not everything in a relationship is for self-gain. There are sacrifices that have to be made.

  Now that I have that little example out of the way, I can show you my point… Lol

   In my novel, I had a story about a lesbian couple. In the story, one of the characters was bi-sexual but kept that hidden from her partner. The partner was in a relationship with her for years but never knew that she was leading a double life where she was engaging in activities with men. Now in that situation the one keeping the secret was being selfish and only thinking about her needs. This is why I say she was selfish. First, she was never truly honest with her partner. She kept a part of herself hidden and led her lover to believe that she only favored the same sex.

  Secondly, her need to fulfill her own intimate desires signifies that she never truly loved her partner, or respected her.  Whether it is a same sex relationship or heterosexual, if a person is only looking out for numero uno they have no clue what love really is, nor are they in love with you.  We can be blinded by the want and need of love that we throw all caution to the wind.  Behaving like this can lead to big mistakes if you are not careful.

     You want to be swept off your feet. You want a love that will last until the end of time. I get that, I feel the same way. However, you must be careful whom you give your heart to in your quest.  Now I am not saying don't take chances. Some of the most loving relationships come about from just going with what your heart says. But, if for any reason, there is that small voice, that little nagging feeling that says “Watch Out” pay attention to it. You can save your self a lot of heartache if you just listen.

Man catches wife cheating 

    In my new novel, the second installment in the Love Theories series, I am going to be taking a different approach. This time around, I am going to show the male side of relationship. Now I know you are thinking. "She is a woman, how does she know what it is like for a man to be in love“. Well after dealing with various guys myself and having many male friends, I have been able to see what it's like when a man really loves, or they are in it just for self.

   You have some men who are just users. This type of guy is just in a relationship or dealing with a "female" just to see how far they can get a head. Let me explain... Some guys don't really have much going for themselves besides charm. They can talk the panties off just about anyone. This guy is a smooth operator, so he weasels in on those women who are book smart. You know the type; she has a good job/business, has a nice car, nice home, but is very naive when it comes to the opposite sex. He sees that she can do fine all by herself, but him being an opportunist, he is going to find the right words to say to get himself into her good graces.

    After trying to charm the woman, he discovers that she has been single for quite some time. She mentions that she has friends who are married and have children. He notices how she discusses that subject with such passion, and then she mentions that she would like a family some day as well. Bingo! There is his target. He must now use what he knows to become "The One". If she wants a husband, he will show himself to be that type of guy. All the while, he knows that is not his true goal. His goal is to get in, take as much as he can, and leave her burned in his wake. That my friends. Is how some people operate.

    Now that was an example of a guy who is just a pure jerk. Now let us talk about those sweet, nice men. The kind of man that gets hurt by a woman of the same jerky caliber, as my opportunist friend I mentioned above. Well this guy, he truly wants love, he pours his heart out to whoever will listen.  He has a ton of female friends, not that he wants to sleep with them. No, they are his friends so he can learn what to do right when his Mrs. Right comes along.

   He learns from their relationships about what their guys did wrong so he will not make the same mistake. He listens to how they cry wishing their men were nice and sweet. He takes all of that in for when he has someone to love. Is this guy sappy you may ask? No. Is he really into women? Yes. There is nothing wrong with our guy he is just simply a gentleman, a nice guy, a rarity in this day in age.

   Since he is so loving when Mrs. Right now comes along… let's give her a name, let’s call her Alisha. When Alisha comes along he think that his kindness and loving heart will be what she needs and wants. I mean since his female friends all want a guy like him, Alisha will too.  Little does he know that the very demure looking Alisha is really a scalawag (rat, hoodbean, chickenhead for a better term). She doesn't truly care if he is nice or not. All that matters is that he is breathing, he has a penis, and he makes "That Bread".  Now our sweet gentleman is drawn in my Alisha’s charms. She seems to have so much in common with him. She seems like the type he will take home to mom.

   Alisha makes sure she says all the right things. She says she is looking for love. She tells him that she wishes she could have a man who understands her and appreciates her. This type of woman makes me cringe. Lol Well Little Ms. Alisha has our guy, and they begin to go out. Well lets move forward about 6 months. Our friend is falling for Alisha and hard and she knows it. He takes her out, shows her off to his friends even introduce her to his parents. He believes that after this short time he may have found the woman of his dreams.

   Alisha sometimes doesn't answer when he calls, but he knows she is busy with school and work. So she says. He wants to come by and visit her at her house, she always makes an excuse that her "roommate" doesn't like male company over and that meeting at his house is best. All of these things our nice guy overlooks.  A year into the relationship, our gentleman begins to feel a little wary. He never gets to stop by her place; he always has to be the one who calls. She rarely returns his texts. Now someone may think he is being a little edgy for nothing. I mean Alisha has a job and goes to school. She is busy. Well... our little Ms. Right now has been lying to our friend the entire time. She does not go to school; she does not even have a job. Oh, and her |"Roommate" is a guy, who is actually the father of her 2 year old son!

   Now you say that is just not reality. No man is just that naive to be with a woman and believe everything like that. Well it is sad but true. In this life, any and everybody can play the fool sometime. It just depends on how long you enjoy playing that role. Some people know they are not loved, but they just continue on living a lie, just for the sake of having someone.  All relationships come with sacrifice, compromise. It is your choice if that relationship involves honesty.  I'm not saying that every person is out to get someone, just be wise that not everyone is who they profess to be.

   In Love Theories Volume 1, I did have a story that involved a person pretending to be who they weren't just to get what they wanted.  In volume 2, I am going to take it to a whole other level.

   Well I suppose that is all I want to say for now. I could have written an entire book on just that Alisha character... hey I just might. Lol

Later guys.. xoxo

Lil'Tokyo

Domestic Violence

In a lot of my writing, I bring up the topic of Domestic Violence. I never write about this topic to make light of it, but to make people more aware. Everyday more and more women (and even men) are victims of abuse from their partners. Many of these people keep the horror they experience to themselves, sometimes out of being ashamed and afraid, also because they may not want to press charges against their partner because they could be suffering from what is called "Stockholm Syndrome".  The syndrome is where a person can develop a strong bond with their abuser. 

It is so easy for someone to judge and say, "Why won't she/he leave him/her." But you never know what you would do if you were living in an abusive situation. There are different levels of abuse; it is not all physical. 

Level 1: Verbal Abuse

Verbal Abuse to me is where a person can belittle you by calling you foul names, shouting at you, just simply making you feel intimidated. An abuser can feel a sense of empowerment if they can sense that you are cowering.

Level 2: Psychological Abuse

This level of abuse to me is where the abuser makes you feel less than a person by telling you that you are no good, that you will never amount to anything without them. Take this example for instance, Abuser: "Look at you... you're fat, you're ugly. Don't you know that no one is going to want you but me?” After hearing things like that, the victim begins to think that they really are worthless and that the best they can do is stay with them. 

There are many types of psychological abuse. One example is where a partner can sometimes begin to cut you off from friends and family. When an abuser begins to tell you who you can and cannot see that is a sign that things may be taking a turn for the worse. Many times this form of abuse can start from a controlling partner. They will tell you things like, "Your family doesn't like me, I think you shouldn't be around them anymore because they are going to try and split us up." 

When things like that are said a woman may feel that her man is right and that her family is just jealous of her relationship and does not want to see her happy. Sadly enough many women listen to those rants and cut all ties with family members and friends. In many cases, the woman is whittled away until the point that she does not even recognize herself anymore. Her every move is watched and she no longer has the freedom to come and go as she pleases. 

Many women become prisoners in their own home. Many abusers will also begin to accuse their partner of being unfaithful in the relationship. Most of the time when men take things like that out on women it is because they are guilty of that behavior themselves. This form of abuse also gives the abuser the feeling of being powerful and in control.

Level 3: Physical Abuse

This is the most dangerous of them all because in many cases physical abuse can escalate causing someone to be severely hurt or turn fatal. It is never ok to hit someone or grab someone by the arm. Any type of unwanted force used towards another person is wrong. Alot of times in a relationship an argument can start and a person may be slapped across the face. A slap across the face can sometimes lead to stronger levels of abuse down the road. Be aware that even in an altercation where someone grabs your arm or even pushes you that that is a form of physical abuse.

Many women/man are ashamed to let it be known that their loved one is beating them. Many women wear dark shades to shield their black eyes from public view; scarves, or high-collared shirts to hide bruises on their necks. Many battered and bruised women that you do see in public never really look anyone in the eye, they normally stare at the ground to avoid eye contact with anyone who may suspect they are being mistreated. 

It is a very scary life. The reason I am writing this is not just simply because I've watched it on TV or heard about it on the news...no, it is because I have witnessed the abuse of neighbors; of friends, and yes there was a time where I lived through it myself. When you see someone that may look like the world is on his or her shoulders, or you see a man and a woman arguing out in public please consider the fact that that woman/man may be being abused. 

Many times people look the other way. People do not want to get involved out of fear or just simply thinking that is has nothing to do with them. Well let us think about this shall we, Let's just say you live in an apartment complex where your neighbors argue everyday. You can hear the woman crying for help as things are clearly being thrown to the ground breaking on impact. You can hear her blood curdling cries as she begs for someone to help her. 

Then, you hear nothing. Everything is calm. This goes on almost every other day, until one day you hear it again and the screams and the cries are louder and more frightening than before. You pause, wondering if she is okay. You begin to question yourself, should you call the police. But on the day where you finally decided to call for help you discover that that day, was the day her spouse took her life. 

Many couples argue. People that love each other always get into little spats. But you as a person know in your gut when something is not right. If you hear, screaming that makes you afraid or you see a person that appears to be battered and bruised, please don't turn a blind eye. Think about what if that was you, or your loved one. Wouldn't you want someone to save you before it was too late? Wouldn't you want someone to try at least? 

I know that many women may side with their abuser and you may think it is a waste of time and that she will never leave him. But at least you will know that you tried. Trying to help is better than just sitting back and doing nothing. Well that is all I am going to write for now in this post. I am definitely going to continue this topic in another post. 

Remember I don't just write about stuff like this for my health. I write about things like this hoping and praying that it will make a change. 

xoxo

Lil'Tokyo

No Sex - Does it make or break a relationship?

You have been in a relationship for two years or more. In the beginning you discussed with your partner your needs and wants in a relationship. You let them know what you like and what your goals are. Nevertheless, sometimes in a relationship people do not discuss whether or not if they want sex/intimacy or none at all.

Talk about it at the beginning of a relationship if you are going to be celibate, if you are the type of person that some may consider a prude when it comes to sex, or if you are the type of person who feels there is no relationship without a romp in the sack.  Some people have a very high sex drive and actually feel closer to their partner if sex is incorporated. Discuss those things in the beginning to see if you are compatible. I admit there is nothing wrong with a person who wants to be celibate.

If you want to wait until you are married or at least until you are closer to that person in your relationship then by all means stick to what you feel is right. There is no need to pretend to be someone you are not just to please someone else.  One thing that annoys me is a person who pretends to be this passionate, erotic person, and then when the time comes for them to walk the walk they are nothing but talk. To me there is nothing worse then being in a relationship with a person who claims to be this “Sex Machine” only to turn out to be “Sad Sam.”

 Now if you choose not to have sex then at least let your partner know so they can decide if they want to continue the relationship. If a person loves you then they will respect the fact that you do not want a sexual relationship.  It is never ok to dupe a person into being with you. If you are lying and saying, you want to have an intimate relationship but when the time comes, you avoid touching, kissing, hugging, etc. You will make your significant other question whether or not you really want them.

If you are dishonest, it can tear your relationship apart. The best thing to do is to lay all of your cards on the table. After you have stated what it is you feel or want your partner may walk away, or they may stay, you never know. At least respect someone’s right to choose.

A relationship is not right if you have to pretend to be someone you are not, or trick someone. Now I am not saying that sex is the most important thing in a relationship. In order to have a healthy relationship you need to be able to communicate as well as compromise with your partner.  Couples need to be honest with each other in order for their relationship to work as well.

Sex is important because it helps to bring two people closer together. Sex is a way for two people to express their love for each other. Intimacy is not necessarily sex. Many men get this all confused. Intimacy is saying loving words; not just before sex, but all day long. In order for a relationship to thrive, men need to understand that if you can make love to a woman’s mind then you will be able to make love to her body.

The biggest sex organ is your mind. Just a little food for thought.  The same goes for women, say nice, loving things to your man. Always remember what you won’t do, someone else will. Boost his ego; let him know just how wonderful he is and how proud of him you are.  Men need to feel appreciated, just the same as women do. If you don’t compliment your man, he will feel that his efforts and hard work are in vain. Just remember to treat people the way you would want to be treated.

I could go on and on about this subject but I think I will just cut it short and just say that whatever you choose to do in your relationship; whether it is to have sex/intimacy in your relationship or not, just be true to who you are no matter what .You should only do things that you feel you can live with.